I'm a 6ft tall, 200lbs, muscular black man, and I'm not scary. I really could just say I'm a black man, and I'm not scary. I hate to have to say either, but I realized a long time ago that if the wrong person was scared of me, then I may not live to see another day.
Tonight I was putting my trash and recycling cans out by the curb and a car was pulling up near me. I stood near my trash can and watched a middle aged white man get out of his car. He stared at me pretty intensely and then kind of herded his wife and daughter across the street as he continued to stare at me. It kind of made me feel uncomfortable. His actions made me believe he was somehow scared of me. I was just taking my trash cans out, but it was dark outside and I'm black?
This event reminded me of the recent killing of Botham Jean, who was killed in his own home. His death hit me harder than many of the other recent unjust killings. Home was the only place left that I could " turn off". I'll explain. When I leave the house I have to "turn on" and be super aware of how my actions make the people around me feel. That may sound good to some, but it's exhausting. If I'm not smiling or joking, then I'm perceived as being angry. If I I enter a store with my hands in my pockets, then I must be stealing something. If I have a knit cap on or a hood, then I'm up to something or suspicious. This would sound extreme to even myself, but I've been accused of being all of these things in each of those circumstances. I really don't want someone who's scared of me for no reason to cause an unnecessary interaction with a police officer or someone who feels the need to "stand their ground".
I really would like to be able to live so I could continue to have fun with my family and see my son grow up, so please don't be scared of me. Please give me the benefit of the doubt. Assume I'm friendly, assume I'm nice, and assume I'm just doing normal things. I'm just a black man, and I'm not scary.
Tonight I was putting my trash and recycling cans out by the curb and a car was pulling up near me. I stood near my trash can and watched a middle aged white man get out of his car. He stared at me pretty intensely and then kind of herded his wife and daughter across the street as he continued to stare at me. It kind of made me feel uncomfortable. His actions made me believe he was somehow scared of me. I was just taking my trash cans out, but it was dark outside and I'm black?
This event reminded me of the recent killing of Botham Jean, who was killed in his own home. His death hit me harder than many of the other recent unjust killings. Home was the only place left that I could " turn off". I'll explain. When I leave the house I have to "turn on" and be super aware of how my actions make the people around me feel. That may sound good to some, but it's exhausting. If I'm not smiling or joking, then I'm perceived as being angry. If I I enter a store with my hands in my pockets, then I must be stealing something. If I have a knit cap on or a hood, then I'm up to something or suspicious. This would sound extreme to even myself, but I've been accused of being all of these things in each of those circumstances. I really don't want someone who's scared of me for no reason to cause an unnecessary interaction with a police officer or someone who feels the need to "stand their ground".
I really would like to be able to live so I could continue to have fun with my family and see my son grow up, so please don't be scared of me. Please give me the benefit of the doubt. Assume I'm friendly, assume I'm nice, and assume I'm just doing normal things. I'm just a black man, and I'm not scary.
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